Political post following. Stop reading if you are going to be offended by my support of gay marriage and adoption or my anger at a certain presidential candidate who doesn’t like gays.
“I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption.”
- Republican presidential hopeful John McCain tells The New York Times
This guy hasn’t got a clue. There are so many things wrong with this statement. Seriously, “both parents are important…”? How does a gay couple who adopt not comprise “both parents?” Oh, I get it – you don’t mean two parents, you meant two parents who are of different gender. Sure, I’m playing semantics with you here John, but if you are going to run for President, you have to choose your words carefully.
But anyway, dude, do you realize that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce? So right there not only are you slamming the gays, you are also slamming all the single parents. Apparently if you leave your wife, then your family will not be successful. What do your kids from your first marriage think about that John, considering you are a member of the leave your wife club? Does that mean your family is unsuccessful? At least the family from that first marriage. Of course, you stayed with your second wife, so maybe you are conveniently forgetting that unsuccessful first attempt at parenting.
What bothers me here is that this man is assuming that any person is a better parent if he or she is heterosexual, just by virtue of liking the opposite sex. It doesn’t matter if they get divorced, beat their kids, or just move across to DC for a career and leave their family in Arizona. Apparently a man who is not actively involved in the raising of children is a better parent than two committed parents who happen to be of the same gender.
Sheesh.
This riles me up. As a long time read of Addition Problems, the blog of two women, teachers, trying to make a family, I’ve learned a lot about the difficulties same gender couples deal with when trying to start a family. Women have it easier than men; while not exactly easy, at least a woman can obtain sperm with relative ease and make attempts at insemination. Men don’t have the built-in vehicle. But aside from the hassle of getting the family started, you have the difficulty of making that family legal. I was bewildered reading the legal jumps and hurdles that the women at Addition Problems went through to ensure that if something were to happen to one of them, the other parent would have the same rights as any man would just by virtue of being married to a woman. I dare you to find two more loving and devoted parents than these women – yet McCain says their family is “unsuccessful” because it lacks a man?
Families can be successful or unsuccessful based on a number of things, but I think odds are better when you have two loving, devoted, present parents – regardless of their gender.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you. I’m a lesbian (although I don’t want kids right now because I’m still young at 20). It truly touches my heart to see heterosexuals stand up for gays. Because you GET it. I think it’s easy for right wing Christians to bash gays because they had the pleasure of being born straight and feel as though they have something over gay people. The whole “no sin is greater than another” thing goes right out the window. Yeah, I may have been divorced before and yeah, I may have cheated on my spouse but at least I’m not gay!!
Again, thank you for sticking up for us gays. It means so much to me.
Growing up, I was anti-gay (or at least thought I was). Then I met someone who I knew to be gay and decided he was a pretty good guy and that my anti-gay notions were nonsense. However, until recently, I was largely indifferent to legal rights for gays.
Now, as I more fully internalize the concept that sexual orientation is not something one chooses, discrimination against gays becomes more offensive. Particularly when it seems to be based on nothing so much as a throwaway passage or two from books written by bronze age shepherds that nobody pays much attention to in other contexts. (We eat shellfish, we don’t condone slavery, we don’t send women to the edge of the village for menstruating, etc.)
Wait – Doug, you mean you don’t send Amy to the edge of the village anymore? What has the world come to! I thought that’s why Wal-Marts always located at the edge of a town…
Great post, Amy. I can remember (not so long ago) that I was the only voice for LGBT inclusion in the Indiana blogosphere. As others have picked up on our topics, I’ve noticed that almost daily there’s something LGBT related on the blogs anymore.
This, however, is one of the best that’s come along in a very long time. My hat is off to you.
Bil Browning’s last blog post..Inbox fun: Does he really think he’s helping?
I don’t *send* Amy anywhere. You see how far the straight white male has fallen in these degenerate times of ours. Maybe Rush Limbaugh can explain it all for me.
Thank you! Very well said.
I just wanted thank you for putting the words that were bouncing around in my head into a coherent piece that I can direct others to.
Tsugradstudent’s last blog post..The words no woman wants to hear
I’m sorry, but I have to pick on Bil for a second – “I can remember (not so long ago) that I was the only voice for LGBT inclusion in the Indiana blogosphere.”
Maybe you mean one of the only voices? I’ve been in the Indiana blogosphere talking about LGBT issues since 1994, Bil.
Steph Mineart’s last blog post..links for 2008-07-14
Spot on!
It’s an argument that has been coming up over and over. A 50% divorce rate is not something these people are proud of, so they just totally ignore it. I worked with many, many single parents in my years in Education. The vast majority are hard workers and put 250% into raising their kids. What McCain said is a slam on them as well as on other successful parents and families not in what he and his minions politically consider a “traditional” family.
There are 20 entries to the definition of “family” on dictionary.com. The first one is “parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.”
NOT one of the 20 entries uses the word “male” or “female”, “man” or “woman”. The closest it comes is the word “spouse” that can be either or both sexes, even at the same time.
One other group that I have a special place in my heart for are the grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, because their own children can’t or won’t do the job. I have many friends who care for their grandkids and I’ve often wondered how they feel. They are joyful, I know, to have the kids, but they must silently wonder, in sadness, if they did something wrong with their own children. They are unsung heroes.
mike/’s last blog post..monday morning mayhem…
thank you for a supportive and respectful observation.
GLBT people need all the allies we can get who can recognize that our differences are far outweighed by out similarities.
thank you
Amen. There is an episode of the show “30 Days” in which a woman who is opposed to gay adoption goes and lives with two men and their 4 children for a month. They were the best parents anyone could probably ask for and it was interesting to see this woman try to defend her stance. You can watch it free on hulu.com. if you’re interested. There was some fascinating dialogue. There is nothing that riles me up quite like homophobia!
Can I be offended by your use of the phrase “homosexual marriage”? I don’t even know what that is. I know I don’t want one.
I just want a marriage. I want the freedom to be legally married. I want my rights as an American citizen recognized by being able to legally marry.
I don’t want a “gay marriage”. I certainly don’t want a “homosexual marriage” (that sounds like something from a bad 1950s sci fi flick). I just want marriage.
Words matter. Please don’t use the words of the extreme right fanatics. It’s marriage. We’re fighting for marriage equality. We want the freedom to marry. Please leave the scary, clinical, inaccurate qualifiers out of it, thanks!
You can be offended to whatever you want. I was expecting criticism, but not from people on the same side.
However, in this case, I think your offense is unfounded. If I had started my post with, “…offended by my support of marriage” it wouldn’t make any sense. Because marriage is already legal and there isn’t a big lobby to make it illegal. It needed to be clear that I am supporting something that isn’t legal, that should be legal, and that thing shouldn’t be different from regular marriage, but unfortunately today it is. Hopefully one day it won’t be and there will be no need for identifying terms.
But yes, I had to use a qualifier in order for my post to make sense. If you have a term you prefer, please share it.
I think criticizing your supporters is a bit of like shooting yourself in the foot.
you know, i had a thought, when i first read the post, about your “warning”? Not the same one that marriageequality brought up though.
mine was more of a realization that i don’t give warnings on my site because the people who may be most offended are the ones who MOST need to hear/read it. a few times, instead, i will dare them to read it. since we’re all adults, we should make our own decisions. i stop reading things if i know they’re going to rile me up. i’m sure most intelligent people do the same thing.
oh, i remember the problem now.
some people aren’t intelligent. they are fanatics who have redoubled their efforts but forgotten their focus, or they are idiots who are too stupid to know they are ignorant of pertinent data necessary for understanding.
anyway, i think that the only warning that should be given is for children. however, if parents are doing what they do best, they’ve taken that into consideration and are already monitoring what sites their kids are visiting.
i can see that your kids (who are adorable, by the way. i took an early retirement from education last year, and the only thing i miss about my work are the kids!) are still young and probably don’t have much internet access yet, but i would bet that you already have things in place. you both seem to be more on the ball than most parents with whom i’ve worked.
as far as your argument for what categorical name you gave marriage, one does have to make a choice. i think that both the term “homosexual” and “heterosexual” are a little too clinical for me, so, i do prefer “straight” and “gay”. also, the right has made the term “homosexual” into something dirty with the way they reference it. you can almost hear the venom in their mouths when you read the word on their websites and in quotes in the media.
mike/’s last blog post..monday morning mayhem…
Thanks Mike, that helps a lot. I can see how homosexual would be less desirable than gay. I’ll change it to gay. It seemed like marriageequality though didn’t want ANY qualifier, and that makes it hard to make my point.
As far as the post, I have a friend I have offended more than once with my liberal posts – so the warning is more for her than anyone else. Keeps things civil!
Amy’s last blog post..Eight is Great!
Amy, I’m a gay person and even I have a hard time keeping terms straight, I mean clear (just kidding). I personally didn’t notice the language usage. I think your post is very sensitively written. It reflects an open heart and a good mind. Thanks for taking the trouble.
Troy in Indy’s last blog post..Please Rev. Jackson, Not His N’ts!
Hi Amy – thanks so much for your kind words and support. We’re touched and glad to count you on our side! Did you know this post got picked up by GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation)? The Internet just blows me away sometimes!
Jen (yup, another one)’s last blog post..The Princess Paradigm
Thanks for posting this! The tide will turn as more people take the position that you are and speak out about it.
Mo’s last blog post..Doing My Civic Duty
have you seen this? your famous…
Joni’s last blog post..Polling and the LGBT Vote
thank you so much for that post. I always feel helpful when a ‘straight’ person speaks out. Your post was beautifully written, thank you again.
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