I have, at times, struggled with being both a feminist as well as a stay-at-home mom. I’m not one that likes labels and while I never had any plans to stay home with the kids, on the verge of Harper’s first year of kindergarten, I know I made the right decision.
One day last week or the week before I was going to get a snack for the kids or something in the kitchen and I turned on the TV and Dr. Phil was on. Now, I don’t normally watch Dr. Phil. I used to really like him, then he went kind of ghetto and I stopped watching. But before I changed the channel, I caught a little of this particular show.
There was a couple with some marital troubles and he was trying to help. He asked them to look each other in the eye and list three things the other one could do to work on their marriage. The wife said things like “be more affectionate” and “make me feel good about myself.” The husband’s top two were 1) be more organized and 2) keep the house cleaner.
I think I still might have a bruise on my jaw from where it hit the ground. Really, he thinks the problem in his marriage is that his wife isn’t neat enough? Your RELATIONSHIP problems are because she’s not vacuuming as often as you’d like?
I was floored. I cannot even imagine being in a similar situation. If a Doug came home and told me something like that, I’m pretty sure I’d respond along the lines of, “If you don’t like how I clean the house, then get up off your lazy ass and do it yourself. I am not your mother or your maid.”
I’ve never fit the mold of a house wife. I don’t feel like it’s my “job” to clean the house. My job is to keep the children alive. If Doug gets home at the end of the day and the children are breathing and reasonably happy, then I have been successful. Anything else I do is gravy. Perhaps I’m the exception and not the rule.
I have a feeling that the man on Dr. Phil had some other problems, if he thought his marital problems were because of an untidy house. I’m willing to bet he could hire a maid to clean the house, and his marriage would still be in trouble.
I realize I’m incredibly lucky to be married to a man who doesn’t expect me to cook and clean and pick up after him. I do the lion’s share of the housework, but that’s more because Doug doesn’t clean to my standards than anything else. I still make him do his own laundry. I cook, but that’s because I like to.
I’m lucky that in my tenth year of marriage I’m still as happily married as I was on my wedding day. But I wonder about people who are married to men who expect them to clean and cook and who don’t feel like helping with the children is their job. And I’m not sure if I just got really lucky, or if I just chose really well. Probably both.
Or maybe, I just expect more. People tend to live up to the expectations set for them.
Either way, if I had that guy from Dr. Phil in front me, he’d get an earful. Roar!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I have to agree with you. I only have one little one running afoot, but we do share the household chores. I do most of the work, because I am here more often.
My husband has been known to do dishes, vacuum, and even cook a meal or two. We share the household responsibilities because someone needs to keep things running and working together keeps things running smoothly. Some days I do 99% of the work, some days, it’s hubby. It is working as a team, with a common goal in mind. It doesn’t much matter who does which job. Although, I do try to have things nice, tidy, and dinner ready after my husband gets home from a long day of week.
There is more to a marriage than cooking, cleaning, and organizing.
At first, I thought I read that the WIFE had said that those things would make their marriage more successful. I have an inkling that their marital trouble has nothing to do with household chores.
Laura Lohr : My Beautiful Life´s last blog ..Looks Like I Made It!
(that was work, not week)
Laura Lohr : My Beautiful Life´s last blog ..Looks Like I Made It!