So, Cole has come home telling tales of a bully. It’s always hard to piece together what’s going on at a kindergarten playground, particularly as recounted by a six year old. But, the other day, Cole told us about how a little boy from one of the other kindergarten class wanted Cole to play with him but not with another boy because the other boy was “fat.”
Then, today, Cole says this other kid wanted his help in “beating up” a third kid. Cole’s solution was to wait until the bully wasn’t paying attention and run away, apparently leaving the victim to his fate. A little bit later, more details come out wherein Cole reportedly got a bunch of other kids to chase the bully around.
As a Dad, I guess I’m happier with a boy who is a vigilante ringleader than one who furtively skulks away. But, mainly, I wish there was a way for him to simply avoid this crap altogether. Left to his own devices, Cole would probably treat everybody nicely and things would be groovy. But, there is always a shit heel or two looking to be mean and to get other people involved with their meanness, either as a victim or a conspirator.
I never figured out a great way to deal with such people, so I’m not sure how to instruct Cole. It’s all well and good to tell him the noble ideas you’d like him to talk about when there’s a bully around. “No, Mr. Bully, I will not be mean to another person! Shame on you!” That’s just not realistic. And, maybe not now, but down the road, telling a teacher is probably just a good way to earn some retribution. For my part, I guess I developed a sense of humor and, eventually, a well timed joke or two kept me out of any serious confrontations. But you can’t exactly teach that.
Cole’s instincts seem basically on target, so I suppose he’ll be o.k. I’m just sorry he has to put up with these folks. Guess that’s life, though.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
This has been going on forever and we all get through it somehow. You can only hope that you have taught your kid right from wrong and that he will make the right decisions, when the time comes. Bullies at that age are all show. Tell him to stand up to him and tell him no, and Im sure the bull will back off.
Mark is right. Both my boys got caught up with bullies at one point in their elementary school lives. I’m not sure if it works but my inclination is to say that Cole could tell the bully that he would like to play with him but not if he continues to be mean to others. It could go wrong, but might not. The teacher could be alerted to be on the look out so that she is technically observing rather than Cole “telling on” the bully.
Juls´s last blog ..which is better: one or two?